All beings have habits. Some habits are good, others bad and some even neutral. We look at habits as either building something or occupying us and holding us back. But what is rarely looked at is the price these bad habits cost. Now I don’t mean as in money, I mean the cost in time, resources, opportunities lost and even friendships & family.
Imagine the habit of social interaction- You are out to eat with your family or a friend, you get a text, and then you spend the next 5-10 minutes texting with that person. What is the true cost of that? Did you have a gain in the relationship with your family or friend you were ALREADY engaging with? I’m sure whoever you are with is there to spend time with you and not watch you text on your phone. The resulting cost- unfavorable feelings by whomever you are with. How often do you think of others feelings before you jump into your “habit”.
Let’s take the Habit of procrastination. You put off what you don’t want to do now in the hopes to either gain pleasure or avoid pain. But now what about when your procrastination affects others? You’re in a rush and your emergency now becomes someone else’s problem that had nothing to do with whatever you were procrastinating in the first place. A great example is you put off getting up in the morning. Now you’ve missed the school bus and one of your parents has to drive you to school, making them late for work hence affecting their performance that would have been otherwise unaffected.
Now those are only two habits but you can easily look at your life and take an inventory of everything you to on a consistent basis. If you are not sure how your habits affect others- Ask. You may have to prepare to have your feelings hurt but after all, you may have been hurting others and not even realizing it.
How do we now have more consideration for the price of our habits? Simple –Discipline! You either want it or you don’t. If you care enough about other people in your life or your personal success, do what it takes to have the discipline to break these bad unproductive and destructive habits.
As anything, it takes practice. You have to take that bad habit and build an empowering habit in its place. Examine what you are currently doing in your habit and come up with as many negative costs to it as you can. Now, begin building a habit that is powerful, uplifting and has a positive effect on all around you. One you’ve taken this to daily practice you will be surprised on how your previous habit was holding you back.
Everyone in has experienced the feeling of being overwhelmed. Whether its work, school, friends or emotions, events seem to overwhelm us. Some people deal with being overwhelmed better than others, why? Is it because they are smarter, stronger or have a better support network, No- It’s because they’ve spent more time being overwhelmed.
Here’s the truth- being overwhelmed is not a bad thing. It’s like saying going to the gym is a bad thing because you can’t get stronger by demanding more (overwhelming) from your body. Ridiculous right? Being overwhelmed simply means that you have reached your threshold on how much you can take in at one time. And we now need to condition ourselves to be able to be overwhelmed. Look at your special operations soldier- do you think they get overwhelmed? The answer is no. They have gone through some of the most rigorous training the military has to offer to inoculate themselves against being overwhelmed.
How do we now train ourselves not to allow being overwhelmed affect us? First you need to look at what you believe being overwhelmed means. Do you see it as a bad thing and have it cause stress? Or do you look at being overwhelmed as an opportunity to make improvements. Before you start to manage being overwhelmed, you need to be clear on how it serves you.
Just as a bodybuilder goes to the gym and works out to get stronger, we need to work our emotional muscles. We do this by putting ourselves in stressful or overwhelming situations in everyday life. Yes, you have to get yourself out there and live- you can’t just sit around and read a book about it and hope it gets better. You also can’t do it in the perfect environment because you have too much control over it and face it- that’s not overwhelming.
Here are a couple overwhelming life challenges you can work on:
The point is to get out of your comfort zone and get out there. The more demand you put on yourself the better you can handle anything that comes your way.
Ever get a sense of belonging to a higher purpose but can't seem to find it? Or ever feel like you're held back from finding your true calling? Maybe even prevented from finding who you really are? These are all phrases and questions thrown around constantly. The problem is that not many people can point you in the right direction to find these answers. That’s part of the answer- No one can. It has to come within you. You have to create a higher demand for yourself, hold yourself to a higher standard and work every day to find the answers.
Everyone has a working understanding of the slow process of evolution. Environmental pressure creates a greater demand on a species and it evolves to fit the need. The downsides of evolution is that it takes too long and never benefits the generation that needs it and by the time its complete, it's such a commonality it goes unnoticed. We've all experienced this process in ourselves, relationships and even business, and this is called change.
"You're going to Evolve anyway, why not Change along the way"
The great thing about change is that it can happen in an instant, and that instant happens the moment you decide to change. How do you know you need to change?
What do we need to do to start the process of change? First go on a self-discovery mission. I personally like to do this while spending the weekend out in the woods, but this does not have to be a long fully emerged multi-day retreat, you can do it in an afternoon. As long as you have no distractions and interruptions you can get it done.
Here are some questions you should be asking yourself during a self discovery (this works personally or with a business).
Now, what do we do with the answers to these questions? First, search for answers in your everyday life. Go outside your comfort zone to look for meanings that you normally wouldn’t find being who you were yesterday.
If you are having a hard time, seek out a mentor to guide you. Mentors are great to point out improvements you can make to push past shortcomings. You can also involve a mastermind group (works really well in business). One person can come up with good ideas but a bunch of minds together works best.
After you have some answers, (this is not an exclusive list of questions and a mentor can help you with more that are related to you) make a life-map on how to get yourself to the person you will become. Start your map with who you are and make a point on the map of who you want to be. Be sure you don’t make an "end" of your map because you don’t want to limit future growth. Once you have a clear picture of where you're going, fill in the middle. Use your self-discovery questions as landmarks on your map. Make benchmarks and timeline of where your progress will take you, even roadblocks and obstacles you will have to avoid along the way. Knowing the challenges along the way to you making change will help you come up with a plan on how to overcome these before it happens. Having a plan ready to go allows you to attack these without having to react unpredictably.
Now that your life-map is complete you can begin the process of change. Re-visit your self-discovery questions often and make sure you have a better answer that the last time you visited them. Having discipline and an unwavering desire to make true lasting change during your life's evolution will ensure you become the person you truly want to be.
We all have moments in our lives that we can remember and recall in an instant. Sometimes the memory is pulled out for a purpose, other times they are accessed by triggers. The key is to control what comes out and when. I know- easier said than done.
This is most common in depression. What happens is multiple negative memories stack up on top of each other and the result is overwhelming. On the positive side you can control this. I know what you're thinking- "No I can't", or "It's too much", and that’s the common thought. But the truth is you're experiencing selective recall for the purpose of certainty (remember the human needs). In a world of uncertainty when it comes to emotions, one looks for certainty to put everything back in place and if you are certain you can get "down", you will go there.
How do we make the switch to select a different memory. First, you have to interrupt the pattern. This is a decision you have to make with purpose. You can interrupt the pattern in a bunch of ways. Have you ever went into a room looking for something and when you got there something got you attention, then you forgot what you went in there for in the first place? It’s the same idea, only on purpose. spend time with a pet, go for a walk, play a game, make a funny noise, dance, sing- The possibilities are only limited by how far you're willing to go. Sometimes someone can help interrupt your pattern. If they are in tune with you and care for your well being they will do something to "break you out". A hug, high five, playfulness, a joke, a cup of coffee, funny noises, and this can go on as far as you're friend is willing to go for you -and I've seen and done some pretty outrageous things to break someone's state.
Now, once you’ve been "interrupted" you have a small window to put something in its place. This is where selecting a positive, helpful memory that evokes an uplifting feeling. To make this even more effective, play music from your "inspire" playlist (if you don’t have one- that was a hint). Here are some questions to help pull out those positive memories. Now keep in mind that the most effective way to do this is to go to a time before the moment that is limiting you. As you remember these things you now have the opportunity to give them a whole new empowering meaning that serves you.
Now here's the crazy part: You have positive music playing, your thoughts are empowering, make a noise to ground you to the feeling, a shout, yell, a roar- make this your anchor and if you have enough emotion, you can use it to bring you to a place of total empowerment.
This will take practice and you will first have to make the decision that you want to make a breakthrough in your life.
Use this any time you need to empower yourself before the moment you need to be in the peak state. To know that you are in total control of the state you're in will make you unstoppable!
To put it into practice look out for the New Years Revolution at The Edge Center, we will be holding the ultimate life changing event on New Year's Eve. Imagine Leaving 2016 as one person and launching into 2017 with tools to take you to the highest level of performance possible.
Everyone has the need for connection. Whether it's friendship, family or intimate relationships- we all look for it.
Connection can be found in many forms: people, animals, prayer, working out or virtual, just to name a few. If we fail to gain connection in our desired area we look elsewhere. For example: If we are looking to connect with our family, we may forego the need for connection and look for significance or certainty (other basic human needs). But in doing this, the activity it is usually less than wholesome or empowering and often disruptive and limiting. These activities are not limited to overeating, perusing a toxic relationship to "get back", angry outbursts and becoming ill. I can go on but I don’t want to give anyone any ideas.
So, how do we achieve the connection we want? First, understand the different ways you can connect and disconnect from people. Keep in mind some ways you think you are building a connection may be destroying it. I'll give an example: You may feel you are connecting with a friend by watching a movie together although you may be texting with someone else (in an effort to connect). What you are actually doing is lowering the connection level of who you are watching the movie with by making them feel less important than your phone (they just see the phone, not the human element). Other ways to ruin the connection with another person is during a conversation with someone is to check your phone for texts or other forms other communication. So, make sure that you give your complete attention to others and limit multi-tasking- Its sometimes less productive than you think.
Body language, which counts towards 90% of communication can help or hurt your connection with other people. Do you roll your eyes, shrug your shoulders or get distracted during an interaction? If you do, stop it immediately!!!
Think of any connection you have with someone on a scale from 0-100. When you first meet someone you start off at 50 and everything you do either gives you a point or takes one away. Some activities can count as multiple points, like checking your phone -10 or a hug, +25.
Now, how do we make a lasting positive connection with people? Want to make an instant connection? Use mirroring. Without going overboard (that will make someone think you are making fun of them), mimic their behavior, tone of voice, breathing pattern & posture. To make a longer lasting connection take on the same interests. Only do this as long as they meet your personal values, otherwise you may not want to connect with them any further.
Other methods to create long lasting, meaningful connection with others is to take a sincere interest in them and their needs. It could be friends or family, if you put their needs as high of a priority as yours they will respect you more than you could imagine. If you are the type of person who always needs things to be done your way, you will limit the level of connection with that person and it will never be genuine and supportive.
Okay then, now take some time and evaluate the way you connect either consciously or unconsciously with others. Assess whether you are making positive or negative connections and what you can do to make changes. If you apply positive forms of connection you will see almost immediate results in those you surround yourself with.
All Humans want the feeling of significance. Whether within their peers, family, community or the world, even in life or death we want to feel important. Unfortunately, many seekers are misguided. A majority of those looking for significance only find it through mediocrity and they don’t even know it. What I mean by that is the attention seekers who may pour a bucket of cold water on themselves not knowing why and broadcast it over social media or collecting meaningless rewards on the newest phone app.
A better example of significance through mediocrity is the latest “clown craze”. Someone puts on a mask and scares a bunch of people and they feel empowered. Now- that’s been happening for years but once the media got hold of it and blew it into a global event everybody wants in. It’s a shut-in’s chance for instant fame and short lived glory.
So how do we find and know what real significance is? Easy-True and earned significance leaves us fulfilled. What I mean by that is that when you do something that is truly worth doing, it leaves you with a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that cannot match the short lived adventure of less that empowering behavior. Basically its earning significance through significant behavior.
Now that we know what true significance is, how do we get it? You first have to be a significant person. You can’t expect to gain significance if your thoughts and actions are less than honorable. Do your actions only benefit yourself? If so, make sure that everyone benefits from your actions. Are you the “look at me” kind of person?
Take the focus away from you and highlight someone else or something that you were a catalyst for. I know that most of this takes more time than the immediately gratifying “bad” or “cool” behavior, but the reward is much better and longer lasting. Trust me, your future self will thank you for it.
Now you’re ready to lead a life of significance outside yourself, but don’t know where to start. Start with your family and friends. Do something for them that doesn’t benefit you. Make a daily practice of going out of your way for other people. You’ll be surprised on how fast it becomes automatic. Once you’re used to it, move out of your comfort zone. Volunteer at an elderly home or animal shelter. Participate in environmental clean ups, organize a special interest group. Start or contribute to a blog or build an empowering website.
The possibilities are endless once you get started. Before you know it you will be automatically contributing to significant activities without realizing it, and that’s where true fulfillment is generated.
If you need help generating Ideas or simply need a kick in the butt to get started- reach out to me, I’m here to help.
I hear from people all the time, "I want to make a difference in life" or "I want to revolutionize my business". I've met with and worked with a lot of professionals that had amazing new ideas but they never sustained. Why is that? The answer is not that obvious. They put all their effort into a new business concept or product but neglected one key element - Self Revolution.
For starters, wanting to change the world is a great mindset to have but when you fail to change yourself to match that world it won't last.
Want to make better children? Start with making yourself a better parent. Want to make better friends? Make yourself the friend you would like to have. Want better students? Make yourself a better student. See the pattern. I've found that in my own businesses, relationships & life - If want to make a change I have to start with me.
First things first- Start with the decision that you want to make a change, and I mean an honest no-BS decision with conviction and an absolute commitment to see it through.
Once you’ve made a mature decision to make a positive change in your life use these tools to make it happen.
Now you have to sustain and make this your everyday practice and put it to use. If you need help or guidance reach out to me Vince@theedgecenter.net
This is the 2nd part of moving forward with inspiration. I fully expect that the first six steps were put to use and practiced.
as always, contact me if you need and help!
This topic is driven from a question one of my students asked "how do you stay motivated?"
The answer to the question was easy, I don't. Now that wasn't the answer expected so, being in a session the students know the power of questions so they asked a better one: "How do you stay Inspired?".
There lies the difference - Motivation is fleeting; Like a bath, it starts great but then gets warm and cold & dirty. Inspiration however, when true -will last as long as you decide its inspirational or fits your level that you need to be inspired to.
Here are the tools I use to stay Inspired. You may not need all of them. Just take the ones you need for any given life event and put it to work. You may find that one works all the time, or another doesn't fit your passion, and that's okay - it's like being a carpenter: Have enough tools for whatever you need to build or enough tools to share.
Ever read or hear a story and get goose bumps? That's the story touching and inspiring you. You feel it and know its truth. Even better, did you get misty eyed? That means that you see that story in your own life and find meaning that you can relate to.
Hit the gym, go for a walk, climb a cliff face, swim, beat up the bag - Just take some kind of action your mind will reward you for it.
You are constantly at war - Negative thoughts, setbacks, and a lack of ambition are the opposing force and you need a battle plan. You have your plan, now make a back-up plan. When things don't seem to be going your way- change direction.
With these first six principals applied and turned into habits anyone can be inspired to move forward with positive, life-changing momentum.
Ever ponder what your life would be like if you only had ______? Ever get that feeling as if you actually had_____? You know what I'm talking about. That feeling that you get when you take ownership. The excitement you have when you see yourself "there". The Goose bumps you get when you finally "do". Funny thing really... You don't actually need what you think need to make yourself feel the way want to when you actually have it. Even more profound, ever get something you really want and find you're not as excited about it after you get it? Isn't it odd how emotions work?
How is this relevant to holding you back? It can be explained in one simple belief- It's not what you don't have that holds you back. It's what you think you need that holds you back.
I need to have a college degree to be successful.
I need a lot of money to start a business
I need a fancy car to feel important
I need the economy to be just right
I can go on but are any of these true? Absolutely not! If they're not true, then why do we put so much stock into these things? Simple -its socially accepted. Maybe not by you and defiantly not by me, but it's the norm. Even worse; most people will tell you these things just to hold you back so you are not as successful as them- Sad, I know. It's the everyday thinking that most people have. But you don't want to be like most people and neither do I!
How do we change this limiting belief?
First - Take an inventory of ALL your assets. I expect you already know where you're going or what you want. If not, as soon as you're done reading this contact me right away and we'll get you started.
Second -List out how all these assets will help you in your current endeavor.
Next-Take those assets and put them in the right place.
Now - Take action by putting these assets to use. Not just a little-but Massive Action! You want big results don't you? Well it's not going to happen by doing a little at a time. Don't list all these amazing tools and keep them in a notebook. That's like taking the ingredients to a cake and leaving them on the table to go bad. if you are not limited by your beliefs then there is nothing stopping you. If you need help, contact me at email@example.com.